Therapy

Hey you,

Some therapists might agree with what I'm doing here, but I'm sure there's a couple of them out there who would classify me as absolutely nuts. It doesn't really matter anyway because no one will ever read this but me.

I haven't let you go yet. I wrote you that e-mail, and momentarily I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but I don't feel as liberated as I initially thought I would. I think part of me was hoping you'd come back to me after you read that message, but you've made up your mind, and judging by your response, you're unyielding on it.

Today is Saturday, August 21st, and it's 11:13pm. Two weeks ago at this time, we were on our way to Feathers with René and Pete. I held your hand as I drove us all to the club, and I was happy. So, so happy. Little did I know that night would be the last time I'd share a bed with you.

I wonder if you went to Camel Beach today. You told me a few weeks ago to keep my schedule open because we were supposed to go. If you did go, I hope you had a good time. Last Saturday night, you reported from your Facebook that you were at Seaside and you'd spotted some cast members from your show. I wouldn't be surprised if you're there again right now, you little Jersey Shore groupie.

I hope you're enjoying the DVD I sent you. I spent $12 so you'd get it overnight, and I'm glad I did otherwise you would've ended up buying it yesterday like you detailed in your e-mail. Thank you for the text message in which you expressed gratitude. It was nice to see you call me Cookie again.

This is the third day in a row that I have not shed a single tear. Although I think of you almost all the time, I've learned to surpress my emotions. It's also been three days since we last communicated via those e-mails. God. Feels like a lifetime to me.

Well, just to brief you on a few things going on in my life. I have DirectTV now, and with this rebate I'll only be paying about $60 a month on my cable bill (DVR INCLUDED!), that's half what I was paying with Cablevision. Impressive, isn't it? Add that to the $80 Sprint bill and they total just over what I was paying for ONE of my previous cable/phone bill -- both of which were almost $130 EACH! I think you'd be proud of me. I'm going to start saving money starting next month. I wanna have a nice little cushion and/or invest in a new car by next summer hopefully. I am confident that it will happen.

I'm a little sad you haven't de-blocked me from Facebook. Maybe you never will, and maybe it's for the best. If you do de-block me, I'll have to "ignore" you on my Newsfeed, because I don't have the heart to remove you. You may remove me though. I understand. Oh, I got the Wicked tickets on Thursday. I posted something on Craig's List about selling them but I haven't gotten any responses yet. I hope I'm able to.

OH, I am really into this new spy/action drama series on USA now. It's called COVERT AFFAIRS and it stars a trio of actors that I really love. I wish you could watch it with me. Now that I have DVR I could watch all these great shows, and DVR the ones you watch for the weekends you came over. lol.. Let go, Lu. That's me Lu, not you Lou.

I miss you, and I hope you're doing well. Please keep your heart on hold for me. I'll write you again soon.

-- Luis